.....................Struggle lights make everything, sexy yes......................Shadows dancing on the wall........................I wanna rock with you, let's converse......................Talk with your body, don't say anything at all......................Rock with you...

.....................Struggle lights make everything, sexy yes......................Shadows dancing on the wall........................I wanna rock with you, let's converse......................Talk with your body, don't say anything at all......................Rock with you...
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# Posté le lundi 03 août 2009 19:36

Modifié le lundi 03 août 2009 20:07

insert fake cheerleader smile here,

insert fake cheerleader smile here,
What is wrong with me? Isn't this summer? Aren't I supposed to be having fun and enjoy the time off from school? No, insted I'm locked away in my house on a perpetual babysitting job, feeling...unimportant. I feel forgotten somehow, unloved in someway and it isn't my low self-esteem who's telling me I don't deserve to be loved or anything...it's a real stab in the middle of my chest. It's deep emptiness who engulfes me every night before sleep. Daydreaming and fantasies might get you so far, but in the end, it's still the real world out here. I think I'm not satisfied with myself because I'm not truly muself. There's so much I'd like to say, much I'd like to do and be out there, being real...but I can't afford what it takes, what it means, what it represents, what is true. This isn't about the world and me anymore. This isn't about me and pride and predjudice. This is about being who I have to be, who I should be, to the fullest: myself. But I'm scared and my mind is racing on so many ideas, but I'm still affraid. Affraid of what might happen, affraid for my future, afraid I won't be setting a good example... I wish I could scream out the truth, but it would compromise what I beleive in. Compromise who I should be, and how I should act, and what I should do. Peer pressure isn't pushing me towards these ideas. I am. And I realise that being myself is who I should, and have to, be. But I couldn't handle the consequences it would imply... So we're back to square one: what is wrong with me? I know what's wrong with me. I'm just not sure it's wrong to begin with.
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# Posté le mercredi 24 juin 2009 08:47

Modifié le jeudi 27 août 2009 20:48

"sleepless nights' got me crazy,,

"sleepless nights' got me crazy[a=],,
Have you ever felt like everything seemed unreal? Like you were sleepwalking through your days in a world too good to be true? Feeling like someone you're not when you're still the same? With a faint, incessant feeling of bittersweer and disbeleif? Maybe the feeling's called "emptiness"; maybe sleepless nights' got me crazy; but one thing's for sure, it all feels...diffirent. It's wierd and I'm not sure I like it, but I guess it's worth a try. Still, my concience stays overalert to pain; it's been sufforing too much and the poor thing's traumatized. I know it sounds pretty casual but anxiety is a feeling one gets used to after a while; just like stress or hunger, but that's off topic really. Topic? I didn't know we had one. And it's kind of true since I've been rambling about on exhausted brain cells. Sigh, isn't teenage life hard? I hope you recognise the danger and peril it represents though or I can honestly say you're a twat with a monotone, judgemental adult brain. That's a thing that gets me fired up, adult's who think that teenagers always overdramatise and that thier problems aren't serious since they haven't tasted the trials of adult life. Whoa, when did I start bitching about my parents? I'm just kidding. It's just that I feel like they sometimes don't realise what it's like to be me. In fact, noboddy can realise what it's like since i'm the only one who is. I know it sounds oh-so-dramatic but it's suitable for what it implies; i've had it rough, like anyone else, and i'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me, i'm just
END OF PAGE ONE; THE REST OF THE TEXT WAS UNFORTUNATELY LOST.
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# Posté le mardi 26 mai 2009 18:50

Modifié le vendredi 26 juin 2009 13:09